Case No. 2026-OOPS, continued. Probation review hearing, 36 days after sentencing. Presiding: the Honorable Judge . Location: the Supreme Court of Feelings, same room, same carpet.
The People vs. : The Probation Hearing
On October 2 the defendant was found guilty on four counts and sentenced to, among other things, a snack and a lifetime ban on a certain phrase. He is back before the court today, unusually early, to request that his record be reviewed. He has brought a camera bag and a suspicious amount of confidence.
Review of the record
Compliance with the original sentence. The snack was delivered. "Tone it down" has not been uttered in 36 days. The court has checked.
CompliantUnauthorized construction of a second website about the Judge, without the Judge's consent, for the purpose of making her laugh in public.
Pleads guiltyIssuing the Judge a government-grade mission phone and ordering her around for an entire Saturday.
Pleads guiltyLooking at the Judge like that. You know. Like that. For a full year now. In public. Repeatedly. This count predates the original trial and the court is only now getting around to it.
Pleads extremely guiltyWitnesses, recalled
The court hears again from those who testified last month, plus one new face. Tap to hear them.
Last month I said he didn't understand consequences. Update: he now feeds me before he says hello to her. I consider this growth. I still don't like him. Dinner is at six.
I have taken several hundred photos of this man and in roughly all of them he is looking at her instead of at me. I am a camera. I am right here. Objectively, this is rude. Subjectively, I get it.
Thirty-six days ago she chased me across a screen for forty seconds. I have not slept properly since. I'm told there is another button on the next page. I have advised it to run.
It's been a good month. He listens now. Mostly. Over the whole year I had to intervene sixty-one times, and sixty of those were "take your pill." I'd like to formally request a raise and a nap.
Judge: The court finds all witnesses credible, and the defendant suspiciously well-behaved.
Having reviewed 36 days of probation and one full year of evidence, the court finds the defendant
LOVING YOU
The sentence
One question for the court
Separately from the probation matter: the defendant's current term began on , one year ago. He is requesting renewal.
Does the court renew the defendant for another year?
Renewed.
Term extended by one (1) year, with the option to renew annually, indefinitely. The defendant is ordered to deliver one hug, effective immediately, no appeals.
Court adjourned. Happy anniversary, .